I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
