We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
my poor anus
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
