I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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