he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
