You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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