i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
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I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
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He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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