please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
