I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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