I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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