Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
