When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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