i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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