She's JV to your varsity
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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