I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
