Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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