so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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