she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
