Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
