My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I'm so fucking centered right now
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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