it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
