Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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