plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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