OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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