she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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