Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?