sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
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