I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.