theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Send help, water and tortillas.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.