at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever