How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
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Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
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I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.