im six kinds of drunk right now
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off