Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
are you so shy because you have an std?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
