A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
