I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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