fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
