It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
birth control should be required to get into college
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
