just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
