Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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