very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
