Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
