Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
