Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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