we have officially lost it.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Congratulations! We have a period
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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