I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
