I am full of burrito and curiosity
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
