i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
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