do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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