guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
i think we sleep fucked last night...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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