We named our party play list daddy issues
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
