Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
