it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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