I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
