I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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