Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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