I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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