so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
