I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
