well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
