She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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