i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
