You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
