my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My vagina is officially offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize