I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
