whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
