i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
