i was rollin on her like bob the builder
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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