Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
