I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
