His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
is it fun? or sober?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
