I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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