I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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