Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
