i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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