New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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