I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
