porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize