I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Everclear isn't food dammit
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
