i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
