So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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